Sunday, November 12, 2017

Going 30: Start Living

Hello Everyone!

Today I kiss goodbye to my twenties & embracing a new chapter of my life. :)


Friday, January 06, 2017

Malang Bound, Spontaneously

Happy New Year 2017!

The beginning of a new year signals hopes, dreams, a fresh journey, opportunity and everything with positive connotation. May we all have a happy healthy prosperous new year and may all of our dreams and desires do come true in this new year. 

Closest friends and relatives know that I am an over-planning perfectionist. I will never do anything sans meticulous planning and measurement, be it a serious work and life related matter down to the simplest thing as deciding places to hang out. So it came as a surprise (to myself) what I decided to do this new year holiday.

Since I started working in this company, my social calendar crippled. The company environment is friendly but the work itself is full of pressure. Don't get me wrong, I love being in this company. It's me who decide that I have to focus more on work and the whole "be an independent accomplished woman who can stand for herself not needing a man's help whatsoever" kind of thing that I forget to keep my social life going. My friends move on with their lives and it gets harder for us to make time for hanging out.

My supervisor told me... ehm no he commanded me repeatedly, "Force yourself to go out there, leave the office after the work hours done, meet new people, make new friends. Eventually other things will fall in its place!" Jokingly, my supervisor offered to introduce me to several of his team/friends from other branch office. 

One of them is A. We work in the same company but from a different branch office. I've heard about him, and after much consideration decided that I want to befriend him because I remember my supervisor told me to make new friends. Just friends, no other motives. And he seems to be a good person. We got to know each other by text messages only and I bumped into him a couple of time in occasions but never had a set up meeting. On new year's eve I received a text message asking me if I wanted to go to Malang together with his friends. I didn't really hear any updates from him again, so I took the offer for granted. 

January, 2nd 2017
I was taking a nap when he called me and said, "Let's go to Malang right now. We're staying in for two nights bla bla bla..."

And I said yes to the offer. 

It took me 45 minutes only to take a shower and pack my things in a small gym bag. A very very light baggage compared to the usual duffel bag I brought to annual company gathering. There I was. At 3 pm spontaneously going to Malang with A and 3 of his friends: D, E, and S. I've heard about them, but I barely knew them. And I just decided to go along with them. Something I would never ever do but I did. 

We stopped at Singosari to buy some Durian Ice Cream (yeayyy!!) and then went to Malang. We stayed in D's girlfriend's house. I knew her, she's also a CR Girl like me in different branch office. The six of us had dinner at Djati Lounge and then the next day........

We went to the beach! :))

January, 3rd 2017
The name is Sendiki Beach.

It is located in Desa Tambakrejo, Southern Malang. I vaguely remember the route, but I guess it took around 2 hours from downtown Malang to the beach. We went through hills and paddy fields repeatedly before eventually reached the beach.

It was a beautiful beach. A little bit wavy since it was located in Southern Malang, but I loved it. The sand was clean, the wind was blowing nice, and the beach were secluded, clean and not so crowded. My photo may not do justice for the beach, but hey you can always google it.

Last time I went to the beach was 10 years ago. It was the annual family vacation from my mother's side. We stayed in the classic Nusa Dua Beach Hotel for 5 days where I used to spend the afternoon at Nusa Dua Beach. It was a private beach, part of the hotel property. Very calm and clean with breezy air. The beach was a sanctuary. A memento of a happy memory before the other turn of events happened and everything suddenly became more complicated.

Well, back to Sendiki Beach. We spent the whole day and had lunch there. The boys jumped in the water and just played, teased and laughed at each other. They played guitar and sang. They seemed to be very happy and relaxed.

Watching them like that, strangely made me happy too. I wonder how did they do that, because hey I want to be that happy-go-lucky too. Teach me. For years I have been too uptight and hard on myself that I forget how to relax and loose myself.

Alas, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed dipping my feet into the water. I enjoyed feeling the sand beneath my bare feet. I liked the breezy air. I loved sitting there and stared absentmindedly to the water. It was peaceful. A small silent break from my daily routine.

We left the beach at 5 pm and headed back to downtown Malang to grab some dinner. Afterwards, we headed home to have some rest. We would have to leave early in the morning the next day to go back to Surabaya and go straight to work. 

January 4th, 2017
We left around 6 am and headed to Surabaya. D, E, and S went straight to work while A took me home. I had to go change my outfit because I didn't bring my work attire with me. We arrived at my home around 8.45 am. The first day of work in 2017 and I arrived at 10.00 am in the office. Super late but it was worthed!

I might be a little bit quiet and awkward during the whole trip, but to be honest I was genuinely happy. My heart swell :)) It is my nature to be quiet in a new environment I barely knew anyway. I promise you the next time I won't be this quite.

In conclusion, my new year started with a happy blast. Hopefully it is a sign for a great year ahead and beyond.

It was the first time I decided to do something spontaneously. It was the first time I had a short spontaneous trip with new people I barely knew. Without thinking about it 1000 times like I used to do. 

It was the first time in years that I had a vacation--albeit a very short one--and truly enjoyed it.

For whatever reason, thank you A for asking me to come along. I wish we could really be friends because my gut says you're a good person despite the stories so far. It will be nice to have a good person around when everybody else seems to be leaving.

And I wish this trip was the first of many more adventures to come with you guys.

One can only hope.
Salute for the new year! :*

Monday, December 12, 2016

Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want

Have you ever really wanted something so bad?
And that your mortal power can do absolutely nothing to ensure you can get that something?

Something that you want so bad it makes you feel powerless and distracted. Unable to think straight. You start to live your days by going through the motions. Your logical pattern of thinking and your accomplished skilled self start to question, what did you do wrong that it seems incredibly hard to get this something that you want?

You look around and you see others seems to have it easier than you.

This longing feeling. This excitement and hopeful thoughts you wake up to each morning.
This expectation and knowing that by not yet having it, means that the story hasn't yet unfold. 

These are the energy that keeps you going. That there are possibilities for outcomes. The positive thoughts that help you to get through the days. 

All of these simply because for this thing, you actually know that you bear absolutely no power to control it. To write the ending, even the story line. Because this time, if this was a film, you are not the director.

You are the actress. 

So, how do you feel now?

Good times for a change.
See, the luck I've had can make a good man turn bad.
So please please please let me, let me, let me let me get what I want this time.
Haven't had a dream in a long time.
See the life I've had can make a good man bad.
So for once in my life let me get what I want.Lord knows it would be the first time
Lord knows it would be the first time
The Smiths - Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want (1984)

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Signals from the Universe

"There is no such thing as objectivity. 
We're all just interpreting signals from the universe and trying to make sense of them. 
Dim, shaky, weak static-y little signals that only hint at the complexity of a universe that we cannot begin to comprehend."

Kutipan dialog di atas merupakan bagian dari dialog sebuah episode dari serial TV favorit saya, Bones. Terinspirasi dari kehidupan nyata Forensic Anthropologist bernama Kathy Reichs, Bones adalah serial bergenre procedural crime mengenai Washington based crime solving partner, seorang agen FBI bernama Seeley Booth (diperankan oleh David Boreanaz) dan seorang Forensic Anthropologist dari institusi swasta Jeffersonian, bernama Temperance Brennan (diperankan oleh Emily Deschanel). Dengan dukungan dari tim forensik dari Jeffersonian serta FBI, Booth dan Brennan memecahkan kasus-kasus kriminal dengan korban yang telah mengalami dekomposisi tubuh.

Istilah Bones sendiri merupakan julukan yang diberikan oleh Booth bagi Brennan, merujuk pada keahliannya mengidentifikasi tulang belulang para korban kriminal yang mereka kerjakan kasusnya. 

So, what's so special about this TV series that differs it from other procedural crime series like NCIS or CSI?
Keunikan dari serial ini adalah penekanannya pada character development and relationship, dialog panjang yang smart dan witty, corresponding plot line, serta resep kuno serial TV yang beresiko tapi sejauh ini berhasil diterapkan, yaitu sexual tension dan will they/won't they relationship antara Booth dan Brennan.

Sejak awal serial Booth dan Brennan digambarkan sebagai polar opposite. Booth, adalah former sniper turned FBI Agent yang emosional dan peka perasaannya. Namun dengan good look dan charm yang dimilikinya, ia mudah memenangkan hati orang lain. Sebaliknya, Brennan adalah Forensic Anthropologist terbaik di Amerika sekaligus New York Times' Best Selling Author yang hiper rasional dan antisosial. Keduanya memiliki latar belakang cukup gelap dan emotional baggage yang kemudian membentuk karakter mereka. Sepanjang serial digambarkan bagaimana keduanya beradaptasi dan berinteraksi dengan satu sama lain hingga mereka mencapai tahap mutual agreement, mampu memahami without even saying a word. Meski demikian, perbedaan yang mereka miliki kerap memancing keduanya untuk berdebat. Bagi saya, akting Boreanaz dan Deschanel mampu mengilustrasikan sexual tension antara Booth dan Brennan through their witty bantering.

Karakter-karakter lain di serial ini, yaitu tim forensik Jeffersonian dan psikolog FBI juga ikut berkembang seiring dengan berjalannya serial ini. Begitu pula dengan hubungan mereka. Ada Cam (bos sekaligus Koroner Jeffersonian), Angela (Forensic Artist sekaligus sahabat Brennan, yang merupakan putri dari Billy Gibbons, rockstar band ZZ TOP), Hodgins (Botanist, Entomologist, Mineralogist, penyandang dana terbesar Jeffersonian, sekaligus suami Angela), para anak magang yang dijuluki squinterns dan beragam kebiasaan aneh mereka, serta Dr. Sweets, psikolog FBI yang awalnya tidak disukai oleh Booth dan Brennan namun lambat laun menjadi protege dari Booth.

Kasus yang ditampilkan pada setiap episode Bones pun tidak serta merta berdiri sendiri. Sebaliknya, kasus yang ada berfungsi sebagai refleksi atau metafora permasalahan yang sedang dihadapi oleh Booth dan Brennan, maupun karakter-karakter lainnya.

Season 6 Episode 9: The Doctor in the Photo
A tree grew through a decomposed body in a seedy neighborhood. Booth dan Brennan ditugaskan memecahkan kasus tersebut. Kasus ini adalah kasus yang emosional bagi Brennan, it almost clouds her objectivity. Profil dari korban yang mereka selidiki mirip sekali dengan profil Brennan: dokter, lajang, ciri fisik yang serupa,  workaholic and detached, the best at her field namun dengan kehidupan sosial yang tak luas. Tak ada seorang pun yang mencarinya ketika ia menghilang.

"I will show you fear in a handful of dust, T.S. Elliot. 
We don't actually fear death. We fear that... 
That no one will notice our absence. 
That we will disappear without a trace."

Penggalan bait puisi sastrawan Inggris T.S. Elliot, merupakan premis dari episode ini. Melalui kasus ini Brennan melihat refleksi kehidupan yang dijalaninya. Termasuk refleksi hubungan personalnya dengan Booth. Secara metafora hal itu digambarkan melalui scene saat Brennan membuka case file korban untuk pertama kali dan mendapati foto dirinya. Ini adalah episode epiphany di mana Brennan mengakui apa yang ia rasakan dan apa yang seharusnya ia lakukan dengan perasaannya itu.

Brennan membuka case file untuk pertama kali dan mendapati foto dirinya.

Adegan-adegan dalam episode ini mengilustrasikan proses internal Brennan melihat dan mencerna refleksi dari kehidupan yang ia jalani. Brennan menunjukkan case file korban pada Booth dan bertanya apakah Booth familiar dengan wajah korban, Booth menjawab tidak. Sembari meneliti tulang belulang korban, Brennan mendengarkan rekaman transkrip korban, yang suaranya benar-benar mirip dengan Brennan sambil berbicara seolah ia sedang mengobrol dengan si korban. 

"... She dealt with the stress in two ways. A, she became logical to the extreme. B, she detached herself [...] Yeah emotionally. She made herself not care. In order for her to stop feeling nothing, she began behaving erratically."-Dr. Sweets

Proses internal Brennan ini juga digambarkan melalui dialog. Dialog-dialog Brennan dengan rekan-rekan kerjanya saat membahas profil korban terdengar layaknya deskripsi diri Brennan. Dialog internal Brennan dengan dirinya sendiri, dalam mencerna dan memahami apa yang sedang ia alami digambarkan melalui dialog Brennan dengan Micah, si penjaga malam Jeffersonian yang selalu muncul tiba-tiba.

"I understand. I missed my chance. My whole world turned upside down.
 I can adjust. I'm fine, alone."-Brennan

There is also this one heartbreaking scene, yang menurut saya adalah langkah besar bagi perkembangan karakter Brennan dan hubungannya dengan Booth. 

Menurut saya, episode Bones yang satu ini adalah episode yang mengesankan. Quoting T.S. Elliot as a way to explain the premise of the episode really hit home. Tidak hanya untuk karakter Brennan yang seluruh kehidupannya berpusat pada karir dan reputasi yang ia bangun, tapi juga bagi penonton. Semua orang pasti ingin dikenang. Diingat keberadaannya.  Eventually when our time is up and we have to go, will people remember us? How will they remember us? What if, nobody misses our absence and life just goes on like we never existed? 

Does somebody love us enough to notice if we disappeared?

"Three days. Three days for the world to turn right side up again."
Temperance Brennan

Thursday, September 20, 2012

love. defined

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana,
Dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya abu
Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana,
Dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada
Aku Ingin, Sapardi Djoko Damono (1989)

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments
Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove
O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken
It is the star to every wandering bark
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken
Love's not time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks
But bears it out even to the edge of doom
If this be error and upon me proved
I never writ, nor no man ever loved
Sonnet 116, William Shakespeare (1609)

I like/cherish/favor/love the words in these poem. Subjective definition of love/loving. Thanks for introducing me to literature at such an early age, Mum.